Material Encounters
How Much Does It Cost To Be Your Friend?

Do people have to pay 'admission' to be your friend? Hear what a group of young adults discovered at a recent gathering held by the Office of the Treasurer.

“It used to cost $30 a week to be my friend!” That’s what a participant at one of a series of gatherings, entitled Material Encounters, realized. Between going to the movies, going out to dinner, renting movies, grabbing a bite of lunch, and getting coffee with some friends, it cost almost $30 a week to be a part of their social circle. Many of the young adults gathered nodded, echoing the sentiment—they had a price of admission to be their friend; a lot of their social interactions were based around buying something, whether it’s an experience like a movie or food at a hip or funky restaurant.

Another young adult realized the same thing. As part of a devotional, a group of friends would gather, pray together, then go grab some dinner afterwards. One day two of the participants, a young couple, said, "Sorry, we can't afford to go out tonight. We're on a budget." Immediately everyone said the same thing. But it had become a custom to go out together and, somewhat distressingly, no one had the courage to say they couldn't go out until this one couple broke the ice.

The questions we asked ourselves became, are we really open to everyone like we say we are? Do we have an outward looking orientation? What if someone can’t afford all those activities—can they still be our friend? How does this relate to justice? Is this the best way to be spending our money? Clearly, there are no easy answers to these things.

Our lifestyles, it was pointed out, develop when we’re young and become the normal way we live our lives. But is what’s normal for us the standard that Baha'u'llah came to establish? The real solution, it became clear as the group consulted, is consultation. Through true consultation we are able to learn together what Baha'u'llah’s standard is, what it means for how we live our lives, and can change our community together. As the group consulted on how to change the norm it became evident that a change within the group was necessary because all of these things that required money were settings for social interactions. And these social interactions could just as easily happen in someone’s home as in a crowded theater or restaurant.

Rather than going out to dinner, could someone make a pot of pasta, someone else bring the sauce, another friend bring the garlic bread, and one person rent a movie? And taking it even further, if this happened in someone’s house could they invite neighbors or friends? All of a sudden it became clear that by changing practices, even one night a week, members of the group could save money, contribute to the funds what would have been spent on food or entertainment, pave the way for expanding the number of core activities, and have fun together.

Not bad for an evening with your friends.

Comments

[mona]

super cool

[Maysoon]

Wow I have been considering the same idea lately cutting out all the don't have to spending! This article makes it so much easier to problem solve the issue.

[Khashi]

That was a neat article. It made me want to consult:P